i just got ditched.

this actually happens to me a lot.

i know i teach people how to treat me and i've taught this person who ditched me, that basically he can treat me like a total piece of garbage and then whenever he decides he wants to come around i'll give him anything he wants. i buy him dinner, i pay for booze, i bring him weed, and then i fuck him.

why do i do this?

i think i feel like its what i deserve. god, that's pathetic. show me someone who absolutely adores me, dotes on me, and truely cares about me, and i'm disgusted.

do i really hate myself soo much that i think i deserve to be constantly jerked around like this?

the two people i dated the longest both treated me like crap. they were both extremely jealous and controlling and in some cases violent.

and now i'm sitting here crying because i got ditched by someone who was going to spend my money, smoke my weed and basically use me for whatever he can get and insult me while doing it.

i'm so fucked up.